Operation Beach Bucks part 2

You didn't ask for it, but here it is anyway - our first update!  Yay!

The first week has ended, and already I've reached a very important conclusion.  I will be broke by July.  No kidding!  The way my kids are putting in extra effort and being recognized for the good things they are doing encourages them to do more good things (i.e., things they ought to be doing anyway) which results in them earning mucho dinero mas rapido (sorry if that is in the wrong order, I'm a bit rusty on my español).  My son is earning 50¢ every time he tries a new food, and he has decided that trying new foods is not all that bad.  So far he has tried scrambled eggs, barbecue sauce, chicken nuggets, Cincinnati chilighetti, and fresh pineapple (which was his idea, in the produce section by the way - as long as he didn't have to eat "those pokey things").  My daughter could earn that much as well, but she is a much less-picky eater already, so there are not that many "new" foods for her to choose from.  Either way, they are consistently earning at least one dollar each day, and with approximately 150 more days they can earn Beach Bucks before tallying up their dizzying amounts of money, I could be out well over $300!  That ain't chump change in this house.

After having this epiphany two days ago, whilst taking our kids on a much deserved outing to see "The Nut Job," I had a second epiphany.  I can use the Beach Bucks like tokens that the kids have to trade in if they want to engage in certain activities while on vacation.  A short list of activities that we ordinarily engage in, as well as a few extra special treats thrown in, was easy to mentally compose:

1. SnoBalls
2. The Shake Shop
3. Smugglers Cove Adventure Golf
4. Egmont Key ferry from Ft. De Soto
5. Dolphin Quest on Boca Ciega Bay from John's Pass Marina

For the less expensive things that we always do at least once, the token amount will be small - maybe $10 worth of Beach Bucks for a small SnoBall or milkshake.  For bigger things the price will be more like $50 worth of Beach Bucks.  That may seem steep, but, hey, they are going to have Bucks to spare.  I'm only going to reserve $20 that they can exchange dollar-for-dollar and spend on whatever souvenir they want.  We will likely souvenir hunt at John's Pass, or if we are lucky enough to get to visit Tarpon Springs again they can spend it there.

Additionally, I may make them work harder each month to earn the coveted Beach Bucks.  For example, instead of getting 10¢ each time they clear their dishes from the table, they will get 10¢ for clearing dishes after every meal for one entire day.  If it is getting to school on time, it may be two days in a row to earn 25¢.  On second thought I may keep that one the way it is!  We don't want any tardies.

So, what format am I using?  Well, you're in luck because I am going to share my Beach Bucks chart and money.  I printed one chart and slid it into a page protector, which I taped to the wall at kid-eye-level.  Each day I use a dry erase marker to check off what they have accomplished so they can see what they are earning.  I also use a STAR stick, which I mentioned in Operation Beach Bucks.  This is because my daughter's school uses this as a behavior/classroom management tool.  I painted a paint stirrer and colored clothespins for each kid.  That way it is a constant visual reminder of how they are behaving.  Most of the time I make them move their pins so it (hopefully) makes them think about what they did that was good or not-so-good.

Beach Bucks envelopes

For the envelopes, I used what I had on hand - #10 (business size).  I simply taped one piece of each value of Beach Bucks to the front using clear packing tape.

STAR stick, start every day on GREEN

Each day you start out on GREEN.  If my kids behave they get to move up a color.  If they misbehave they move down a color.  It is not a static stick - in other words they don't get stuck on a color.  If they make it to red and then do something wonderful (or even mediocre if it is good behavior), they move back up.  If they are on purple and misbehave, they move down to blue.  If they are perfectly behaved all day (yeah, right), they get to move up to the star.  I used basic red, yellow, blue, and purple acrylic craft paint from WalMart.  The star is gold glitter glue on a silver background.  The black space is no-man's-land basically.  It is either used for nothing, or if my kids are being horrible and are on red and still misbehaving, I move them to black - which they can NOT get off of unless they exhibit some exceptional behavior.  I have been using this for a month or so now, and only once has one of them been on black.  Then again, only once have they made it to the star.  There have been plenty of days where they stay on green, though, and this momma is thrilled with an all-green day!

Please keep in mind this is only a suggestion.  You will need to tailor it to fit your lifestyle and expectations of your own children.  I printed five copies of the money so I could be sure to have enough to last for a while.  When I run out of the smaller Bucks, I will trade them in for the larger ones.  I'm not sure if you can edit the documents using the same fonts I did - mine were from a font program (Cosmi Print Perfect Fonts), and the style is called JI-Drapey.

Word Document:
Beach Bucks Pricing List

Beach Bucks Money 

PDF:
Beach Bucks Pricing List
Beach Bucks Money

Operation Beach Bucks

As most parents experience at some point, I have been stuck in a rut with my kids' misbehavior and the consequences that go along with it.  Time Out does not work for us, and spanking (while a controversial practice for some) is a short-term fix - it stops the behavior for about 10 minutes.  I want to change the way my kids behave through positive reinforcement so that I don't have to yell, threaten, take away toys, or spank bottoms.

Last week I was catching up on some reading.  My daughter was finally back in school (for 2 days) after 12 snow days since Christmas break was over, so it was just my son and me at home.  He was watching a cartoon, and I found myself with a few minutes to relax and indulge in mommy reading time.  I had a back-issue of Family Fun, so I read it cover-to-cover while the cartoon played.  One article talked about how a mom created a system of paying her kids for chores that would allow them to earn "money" to spend on souvenirs on vacation.  That set my thinking wheels in motion.

We have a family vacation coming up this summer (if my daughter isn't still in school...), and while I do not do much souvenir shopping, my kids love to bring home little trinkets.  I always balk at the idea of spending "that kind of money" on something like that, i.e. something of poor quality that is going to break before it makes it home.  I was also trying to think of what kinds of "chores" my kiddos could do that would allow them to experience success on a daily basis.  I've learned that if the reward is not immediate, at least in the beginning, my kids are not going to put in the work it takes to earn the reward.  I also had a hard time figuring out what kind of graduated payment system to use.  I didn't want to make everything worth the same amount of money and then trade in a certain number of bucks for real money.  That just seemed like trickery.

Enter Operation Beach Bucks.  I made a list of everyday type things that needed improvement (cutting back on time spent in the bathroom, etc.) and made those worth a dime, bigger daily things like bath time without complaint and getting to school on time are worth a quarter, homework/good behavior (green) all day/cleaning up toys/trying new foods are worth 50 cents, and then we get to the big things - folding laundry and putting it away/staying above "good" behavior (blue) are worth $1, staying two spots above good (purple) is worth $2, and making it to the STAR is worth a whopping $5.

Obviously this is going to have a rate of diminishing return.  I can't keep paying out lots of money every day for the next 5 months, or I would be broke just trying to exchange their Bucks for real money.  Once a month I plan to reassess which items on the list have been mastered, and they will be moved down the list of value.  Most likely they will either be worth less money, or the kids will have to do multiple consecutive days to receive the same pay.

Day 1 (yesterday) turned out grand!  The day started horrifically with yelling, arguing, and refusal of basic daily duties.  After I explained and implemented OBB, my children were transformed (for most of the day).  My daughter earned $3, my son earned $1!  Part of that was for TRYING NEW FOODS!!!!  That is a huge accomplishment for my son, less of one for my daughter.  After overhearing my mom say she wished someone besides her liked to drink buttermilk, my daughter came to the kitchen and exclaimed she wanted to try it.  I poured her a tablespoon of it into a glass, and that little booger drank it and said she loved it.  Whether she actually liked it or not remains unknown, but she said it tasted like cottage cheese, and she does love that.  She proceeded to call my mamaw (her great-grandmother) and tell her that she had tried it and liked it.  Then she tried chicken tortilla soup, which was new for her!

My son, bless his heart, is a very picky/stubborn eater.  His main dietary staples are peanut butter and jelly, Ramen noodles with cheese, oatmeal with butter/sugar/cinnamon, and fettuccine alfredo.  There are a few other things he eats when they are available, but those things are his day-to-day foods.  I didn't give him the choice in what his new food to try was, because I knew he would say "jus' nuffing."  My husband scrambled an egg, and we plated it with a small pile of shredded Mexican cheese, a tablespoon of honey barbecue sauce, and a tablespoon of ketchup.  He immediately pushed his plate away and declared he was not hungry.  I took a very small bite of his egg, to show him that I was not afraid to try his "new" food, which isn't a new one at all, just one he hasn't eaten since he was 18 months old aside from one bite he took of an egg sandwich I ate last month.  After that he tolerated his plate being in front of him.  Then he picked up his fork, and I thought, "This is it.  He's either going to take a bite or rake it all in the floor."  He had a large bowl from their play kitchen, and he said he would eat his food if it was in that bowl.  I'm sure he fully expected me to refuse to put his food in a play bowl.  Instead, I had my husband wash and dry it, and I asked my son whether he wanted all the egg or one bite in the bowl.  He said one bite, and he wanted the ketchup, too.  It took him at least 2 minutes to work up the nerve to eat that first bite.  He put it on his fork, played with it in the ketchup for a while, counted to four a few times, and then after we all hid our eyes so we couldn't watch him, he finally put the bite in his mouth, chewed, and SWALLOWED!!!  I almost cried!  No kidding, I felt tears stinging my eyes when I saw the look of joy on his face that he had tried something new and hadn't gagged or spit it out.  We all clapped and said how proud we were of him.  He ate about 3 more bites of egg dipped first in ketchup then in barbecue sauce (which is another NEW food for him), and each time he counted to 3, 4, or 5, chewed, swallowed, and beamed with pride.  Each time we clapped and told him how proud we were, this included his older sister.  After he had eaten about a fourth of the egg, he said, "I'm done."  I didn't push him to eat more, I was satisfied.  He earned that 50 cents!  I had told them that trying a new food meant they had to take one whole bite, chew it, and swallow it, or it wouldn't count.  They both more than earned the Beach Bucks for that particular task.

The other big thing that Beach Bucks has (so far) helped with is homework and practicing piano.  Day 2 and homework is done.  We haven't practiced piano, yet, but we will.  Fingers crossed that this alleviates some of the stress and frustration we all feel every day.

To Puree or Not To Puree

That is the question of mothers everywhere who face the dilemma of children who refuse to touch anything that resembles a vegetable.  How this problem begins is a bizarre chain of events that begins somewhere around the time we introduce our children to breads and meats.  Who needs a vegetable then?  When we start our babies on pureed foods, it begins with vegetables, progresses to fruits, and finally ends at meats, which lets face it only a few babies tolerate much less eat enthusiastically.  Around the time they begin eating meats, they also get table food slipped to them - a nibble of a graham cracker here, a torn piece of bread or roll there - and they get "Baby Snacks" such as Puffs which have been affectionately called Baby Crack by my husband.  Of course there are other choices, but these are the most obvious ones.  So, there you go.  A child who has eaten nothing but fruits and vegetables (and milk of some form) for a couple of months suddenly has the choice to eat bread, and you and I expect them to still be ga-ga over those veggies?  Who's the crazy one now?

Fast forward a few years, and you have toddlers who are notoriously picky, often fixating on one particular food that they will eat, eschewing all others.  Gloriously, this phase for my daughter was short-lived, and at nearly-age-5 she will now eat almost anything we give her.  This child would eat an entire 15 ounce can of carrots or peas by herself, willingly, would ask for them by name, when she was old enough to transition from puree to solid...until we tried "Honey Carrots."  Those things were disgusting!  They tasted like they had been cooked with coconut.  She was the first to try them, and she literally threw them up immediately after eating one bite.  To this day, 3 years later, she will not eat canned carrots by themselves.  My son is still stubbornly stuck in the carbo-loading phase of toddlerhood.  PBJ is his go-to meal.  He loves pasta, oyster crackers, potato chips...pretty much anything with little-to-no nutritional value is his favorite.  He will not try vegetables, doesn't like the most basic and bland things like mashed potatoes.  He does enjoy fruit - raw apples, bananas, dried fruits.  All the same I still worry that he may be neglecting some of his nutritional needs by avoiding anything with color and nutrients.

Hiding on my cookbook shelf in the kitchen for the last couple of years has been a pair of recipe collections by Jessica Seinfeld.  Titled Deceptively Delicious and Double Delicious, they sound like something naughty and forbidden.  I suppose if you get down to it, you are lying to your children, which is naughty, if only by omitting the full answer to "What is this?" and "What's in it?"  I bought them through a bit of foresight, which is rare, knowing that one day my children might not enjoy vegetables as much as they did as babies just learning to appreciate the finer points of food with taste.  I am turning to them now in desperation, sheer and utter desperation.  There is no other way to speak of what I feel when for the third time in a day my son asks for PBJ.  Of course I do not allow him more than one a day, but there is still a part of me that thinks, "My gosh, I have failed to get this kid to like anything other than peanut butter, bread, and jelly.  What is he going to do, eat it for the rest of his life?"  So I have begun my journey down the road of deception, trickery, and lying by omission to my children.

My first step was to look through the meals section of Deceptively Delicious and choose things that I thought would effectively conceal the taste of vegetables.  There were 13 such meals, and I dutifully wrote them down, noting how many servings and what type and how much of each puree I would need.  Then I decided there were 3 main purees that I would be using for that set of recipes:  sweet potato, cauliflower, and carrot.  I purchased 5 pounds of sweet potatoes, 1 head of cauliflower, and 2 pounds of carrots.  Then I tried to figure out how to properly steam them.  The sweet potatoes weren't much trouble, because I had oven roasted some the week before and kind of knew what I was doing and how long it might take.  The cauliflower and carrots, however, presented a problem.  Roasting them dries them out, and I didn't have a steamer or steamer basket.  Improvisation, my friends, improvisation.

I roasted sweet potatoes, pureed them in the food processor, cooled the puree, bagged it, and froze it.  A couple days later I repeated the process with the cauliflower and carrots.  I decided my first attempt at deception would be macaroni and cheese.  That's usually a good side that everyone likes.  Not this time.  Five of the six adults who tried it liked it, zero of the two kids liked it.  In fact, my son didn't even get his one elbow macaroni piece swallowed before he threw up.  Yep.  Just what you want around the dinner table, a 2 year old puking as you're trying to eat.  I don't think it was the cauliflower, because surprisingly you couldn't really taste it at all - just a faintly earthy flavor that was not-at-all unpleasant.  His issue was with the cheese.  See, he has problems with cheese anyway, especially sliced cheese.  This was cheddar, and it does not melt as smoothly as Velveeta, my mac 'n cheese cheese of choice.  I will try it again with Velveeta and see if the outcome is the same.

In the meantime, I will share with you my step-by-step process for roasting these three vegetables.

Sweet Potatoes

approx 5 pounds yields 6 cups puree

- Scrub outside of potatoes and pierce with the tip of a knife all over, cut off ends
- 350° F  directly on the top rack (middle position) foil on bottom rack to catch any drips for 1 hour 15 minutes to 2 hours, check at 45 minutes, then every 30 minutes after that; potatoes should yield easily to the "squeeze test" - be careful, the peels are HOT!
- Cut potatoes in half lengthwise and let cool slightly before scooping out flesh into food processor fitted with metal blade. Pulse to start, then turn on to puree.  Scoop out puree to a large bowl, return any chunks to the processor for another whirl.  I did this in 2 batches (3 potato innards per batch).
- Place plastic cling wrap across top of puree (it should touch it), and refrigerate overnight
- Measure 1/4 cup amounts into snack-size zipper bags, squeeze out air, press puree out flat, and lay flat in a square dish to freeze overnight before bagging in gallon-size zipper bags labeled with the type of puree.

Cauliflower

1 head yields 2 cups puree

- Remove all leaves and the main center stem from head.  Using a sharp knife, cut large florets from the head and then cut them down to 1/2" thick pieces and remove any thick stems (more than 1/4").  Rinse with cool water.

- Place enough water just to touch the bottom of steamer basket, add cauliflower, and turn on medium heat.  Steam for 10-15 minutes until fork tender and stems are slightly translucent. (If you do not have a steamer basket, use your largest colander fitted inside your largest stockpot with a lid).

- Turn cap off and let water stop boiling before removing cauliflower.

- Pulse, then run, to puree - it will be chunky.  Add water 1 tablespoon at a time (up to 2 Tb) and puree/scrape down bowl each time until it is smooth but thick.

- Measure 1/4 cup amounts into snack-size zipper bags, squeeze out air, press puree out flat, and lay flat in a square dish to freeze overnight before bagging in gallon-size zipper bags labeled with the type of puree.

Carrots

2 pounds yields 3 cups puree

- Peel, rinse, trim ends, and cut carrots into 1/4" thick sections

- Place enough water just to touch the bottom of steamer basket, add carrots, and turn on medium heat.  Steam for 20-25 minutes until fork tender. (If you do not have a steamer basket, use your largest colander fitted inside your largest stockpot with a lid)

- Turn cap off and let water stop boiling before removing carrots.

- Pulse, then run, to puree - it will be chunky.  Add 1 tablespoon water and  puree/scrape down bowl until it is smooth but thick.

- Measure 1/4 cup amounts into snack-size zipper bags, squeeze out air, press puree out flat, and lay flat in a square dish to freeze before bagging in gallon-size zipper bags labeled with the type of puree.

Year of Living Optimistically

Negativity?  Psht!  This is my year of living optimistically...or at least my best attempt.  I don't consider myself to be an overtly negative person.  I'm not all doom and gloom, glass half empty, the sky is falling.  Most of the time I feel like things are going to be fine, and that is because I have some pretty powerful players on my team.  

With that being said, I do tend to be hyper-critical of everyone, myself included.  That is a negative personality trait that I have prayed about for years.  I don't remember it being so bad when I was in high school, but something about college brought out my cynical side and my critical nature.  Maybe it was because I was upholding myself to nearly unattainable standards (which is understandable when you consider the educational achievements of those who graduated before me), or maybe it was because of all the negative things that happened during my senior year of high school and shortly after graduation.  Who knows?  At this point I don't really care how it happened or why.  I just want to fix it so my children do not grow up thinking that criticizing others (and themselves) is an appropriate behavior to indulge in.

I am trying to start small.  This is in no way a "New Year's Resolution."  I honestly do not believe in making an NYR, because simply giving it the title of a resolution dooms it to failure.  I also believe that you can resolve to make a change at any point during the year (and fail just as completely), so why force yourself to start a new year that you can't even remember to write correctly with a huge goal that you have no intention of fulfilling?  Here is an example of a failed NYR, and it's only the third week of the new year...I resolved to get out of bed at 8 o'clock each morning for the entire month before gradually moving my wake time backward until I was rising early enough to ensure I could get my daughter to school on time when she starts this fall.  I did well for the first week and a half, and then slowly I began to add just 5 more minutes until I either get up at 9 or fall asleep on the couch as soon as I'm out of bed.  Last year I waited until February to make my resolution, and it stuck much better - I am still exercising most days of the week.

So, get on with it, you say.  Alright.  The two littlest loves of my life, who have the largest chunks of my heart, are where I am starting.  I had already begun to avoid talking about my kids' bad behavior in front of them.  So if they've had a really bad day, been in trouble a lot, I try really hard not to mention it while they are in the room - preferably not even if they are still awake.  My mom gave me that jewel of an idea.  It makes sense, though.  If a child only hears the negative things that they have done, they soon begin to believe they are "bad" children and are doomed to failure and getting in trouble.  Why on earth would I want to set my kids up for a lifetime of feeling like they are "bad" people?  I've been there briefly as a child, it ain't pretty!  

That has been going pretty well, but lately I've noticed that the anger I feel toward their "bad" behavior outweighs the joy I feel at their "good" behavior.  My kids have been yelled at quite a bit lately - yes, I do yell when they won't listen to me.  They have been in time out or had toys taken away as punishment.  I have been at my threshold for dealing with this type of stuff.  So a couple of nights ago, as I was trying to go to sleep after a particularly trying day, I prayed.  Remember those powerful players I have on my team?  Yeah, I was talking about God and his Only Begotten.  I asked God to give me some way that I could turn this around and make it better for us all.  A way that I could focus on the goodness in my children (who really are angelic when compared to a lot of their age-mates).  

As I was about to drift off to sleep, it came to me - Write it down.  I thought, huh?  What do you mean write it down?  Then again - the image of an index card with all the good things for the day just written on it.  Specifically it was a lilac colored index card.  I was literally on the verge of being out for the night, and when that message was sent to me my eyes popped open and it was like Grampy's lightbulb was hanging over my head.  I went to sleep with a smile on my face, a thank you in my heart, and I slept very soundly for the first time in a while.

The next day I tried to figure out the best way to write down these kindnesses and good behaviors.  Should I use index cards and bind them some way?  Should I get a pocket calendar for each child?  Should I keep a journal?  After church I went to the Family Dollar store and tried to find something, but there was nothing that really stuck out to me.  I didn't want a perforated page, because I didn't want the chance of the evidence of their goodness being ripped away.  I want this to be something they can look back on and see that their mother thought they were good children, caught them being good, and took the time to document their goodness.  I finally settled on standard issue black and white composition books with 100 pages.  Yes, I realize that if they had a LOT of goodness in one day that would not be enough for an entire year, but I estimate these will last more than a year.

It has been nice to focus on catching them doing good things.  Picking up the room without a fight, playing nicely together, giving me random hugs/kisses/I love yous, wiping down and then setting the dining table, sharing toys, waking up with a smile.  I am focusing on what my kids are doing right rather than what they are doing wrong.  It doesn't mean that I don't still discipline them.  I am just taking a different approach.  In the last two days I have not yelled once (at my children), and I have only marginally raised my voice.  They have still had a few time outs, but because I am not focused on what they are doing wrong I am allowing them to make mistakes and learn from it with gentle correction rather than being made to feel like they are horrible children.

I pray that this year will bring wonderful things for my children.  I want to have a close relationship with each of them, and I want them to know how much I cherish every moment that I spend with them.  I want to look back at the end of the year, read through their books, and say, "Look at what a good year you had."  Is a child inherently good?  Absolutely!  It is up to the adults in their life to point out the ways that they are good and encourage more goodness.  If a child feels worthless or as if they can only do bad things, they might just grow up to be adults who do only bad things.

What Is The Past?

Sometimes it can be nice to take a walk down memory lane.  We revisit the days of our youth, call upon old friends, recall the “good times” before “life” happened.  If we are not cautious, that stroll may be so enticing and enjoyable that it turns into a vacation, a retreat.  Once we stay longer in the past, we become comfortable with the way things were.  After all, we know where we belong in the past.  It is familiar, a known constant.  At that point, taking up permanent residence in the past is all too easy.  We forget about the problematic nature of the present, the unknown quantity of the future.  We take comfort in the things we’ve known and done.  Perhaps we have a friend or two who share in our revelry and help to revive the feelings of youth, daring, carefree living.  That is when we’ve struck the proverbial ice berg.

We know that our past is behind us, yet it still holds such strong sway over us.  Our past shaped us into whom and what we are today.  We learn from and grow from the experiences in our past.  However, Disney said it best when Timon and Pumbaa instructed young Simba to leave his past behind him (or was it his behind in the past?).  Our past is over.  It is done.  It cannot be changed, no matter how much we yearn to change the things that didn’t turn out as planned.  It is a chapter in our lives that should be closed.  We can look through the windows and see glimpses of what our past was, but we should never break the locks and force the door open to visit in or move back to our past.

Occasionally a brief foray into the past is instrumental in moving forward into the future.  The experiences we’ve had help us to understand how to deal with the events we will encounter.  The key to this is to keep the trip brief.  Each day that we live our past waxes and our present and future wans.  This is the nature of life.  We are not given an infinite number of days; in such a scenario our past and future would be given equal weight.  As it stands, our past can weigh us down and prevent us from enjoying our present and from moving into our future.  When we spend too much time visiting (or move into) our past, we completely miss our present and wake one day in the near (or distant, as it may be) future and wonder where the days, weeks, months, or even years have gone.  They will have gone the way of all our days – to the past.

We sometimes feel that our past was halcyon compared to the trials and tribulations we endure in the present.  Sometimes we wish to seek closure from a relationship or event that left us feeling raw, bitter perhaps.  As difficult as it seems to move past those things, the past should be left alone.  Breathing new life into old memories and friendships feels exciting, fresh.  They can quickly become monsters consuming our energy and focus that would be better spent on the people and things that are currently the most important pieces of our lives – our present.  Like our days on earth, our focus and energy are finite.  Staying too long in the past causes us to neglect our present, which desperately needs the devotion of our focus and energy. 

This is especially true when you have children.  As quickly as our own lives pass, the lives of our children are in perpetual motion at Mach III.  How sad to wake one day and realize that the time we could have spent making memories and having meaningful experiences with our children was wasted reliving a past that is long deceased.  From this day forth, I pledge the greatest gift I can give to my children (and myself).  I will no longer live in the past.  I will embrace my present and look forward to my future.  I will not allow my past to drag me down, to sully my present, to change my future.  I will stand bravely and face into the winds of this turbulent time in which we live.  I will live now rather than then.  My past is my past, and I will limit my exposure to window shopping, a visit to a museum.  I will not attempt to resurrect a part of my past unless it will explicitly help me better my present or future.  I will not allow my past to deconstruct what I have painstakingly built based upon the foundation it laid.

Today is a gift, that is why it is called the present.  The past is gone, it is where we Put Away Sections of Time.  The Bible calls for us to put away the childish things of our pasts to claim our rightful positions as adults.  It is a difficult thing to do, but it is necessary.  In addition to the things of our past, sometimes the people of our past should be detained there.  They need not travel with us through life.  It is acceptable, necessary even, to keep them on an extended layover while you go on living.  All you must do is refer to the poem about friendships for Reasons, Seasons, or Lifetimes, and you will quickly see that not all of our friendships are scripted for a Lifetime.  There will come a day when our reminiscences are all we have, and at that time it will be a wonderful thing to be able to call upon our memories of days-gone-by.  While there is still a bountiful life to live in the present and future, our past should be like the wind at our back – pushing us forward to bigger and better things.

Trying the Homemade Way

A lot of my friends have jumped on the homemade laundry detergent bandwagon here lately, so naturally I thought I would give it a go too.  I hate paying $30 for a piddling amount of liquid or powder detergent, especially when the containers get smaller each time I buy it (and I buy the biggest one I can find).  To buy both powder and liquid for a year runs between $60 and $120 depending on how many loads of laundry I actually do.  Recently I've been trying to stay on top of it more, "Monday wash day...," but that doesn't necessarily mean I use less detergent, just that I wash smaller loads more frequently.

My mom had told me a couple years ago about one of her coworkers who used homemade liquid detergent and swore by it.  She told me that it was super concentrated, and cheap, and that it lasted forever.  I was intrigued, but with one toddler and a baby on the way, I wasn't enthusiastic about grating a bar of soap and lugging around a 5 gallon bucket to do my laundry. 

What's different now?  Well, that toddler is now able to entertain herself, and her brother, long enough for me not only to make detergent but also to get a load of clothes in the washer often enough to get my laundry plus both of theirs done in one day.  Sometimes the kids even help me sort! 

Once upon a time, not so long ago actually, I sorted by color.  I don't mean color families, I mean by color:  underwear/socks, whites, lights (pastels), yellows/greens/blues, pinks/purples, red, brown/black/gray, blue jeans.  That meant that I was waiting two or three weeks to get a large enough load to separate them that way, and by then we were out of essential items...like socks and underwear!  Then, I got a little smarter and started combining them in ways that made marginally more sense:  socks/underwear/blue jeans, black/brown/gray/dark blues, whites/lights, pinks/reds/oranges, yellows/greens/blues/purples.  Ok, I'll admit, that was still a lot of sorting, and a lot of teensy loads or waiting for weeks to wash.

In the last couple of months, I have resorted to the tried and true method of sorting...kinda:  socks/underwear, blue jeans/blues/black/brown/gray, brights, lights, whites, and if I have enough reds they get their own load just because red likes to run.  Sometimes I combine socks/underwear/whites if the whites are not "good" clothes (ie, old sleep shirts).  Sometimes I combine socks/underwear/jeans.  It all depends on what my loads consist of, and I'm sure that is all about to change since the dark and dreary clothes of winter are but a few months away.

So what does all this have to do with detergent?  I hate paying so darn much to wash my clothes!  I have a front load washer/dryer, so I have to use less detergent anyway, but still - with the "concentrated" formulas that you are supposed to be able to use less of, and less in the bottle or box to start with, I am still buying more detergent than I feel is necessary.  Enter the land of Make-Your-Own-Stuff!

My mom brought me home a recipe for super easy (four ingredients, people) liquid detergent.  I bought the bar of soap and washing soda I needed, and I already had the other two ingredients.  Didn't even make a dent in my wallet.  Already I loved it.  But, I had to cook it.  :-/  I did NOT want to use a pan that I actually cook food in to make detergent.  Call me strange, but I always worry that there will be a scratch or some porous part that will hold in something that might contaminate (poison) my food.  I don't take chances where my kids are concerned. 

So I was waiting and waiting and waiting to just happen upon a cheapo saucepan, and a 5 gallon bucket (preferably with a pump in the lid), to make the stuff in.  Guess you kind of figured out that didn't happen right away.  So the recipe laid on my buffet and got covered with the miscellany of everyday life, and I kept saying, "I need to get that stuff so I can make my detergent."  I've been out of liquid detergent for months now.  I never lucked into a pan and bucket falling out of the sky and begging me to use them to make detergent, so I decided that I just needed to suck it up and get myself to the nearest Wal Mart and buy the dang pan and bucket. 

In the betweentime, from when I got the liquid detergent recipe up to a couple weeks ago, I was at a friend's house.  She made her own powdered detergent, and it smelled so good!  I asked her for the link to the recipe, but she has a young child and a new job and like the rest of us with kids, she has Mommy Brain - a condition that makes you feel like a complete idiot half of your waking hours but is totally worth it because of the cause of it - so it slipped through the cracks of her mind much like it would have slipped through my own cracks if someone had asked me to forward them a recipe for detergent.  So, Internet sleuth that I am, I tracked it down.  Ok, Pinterest helped me A LOT, folks!  Just type in "homemade laundry detergent," and you'll get about three thousand pins of the same picture.  Don't believe me?  Go on and try it...I dare you.  I do wish there was a feature that allowed you to get only ONE pin of a specific picture/website rather than every single instance that it has been repinned.  Give me the original!  I don't care if JohnnyCakesMommy repinned it via SallyGoesHollywood onto ThingsToMake.  At any rate, I tracked it down, printed out 7 pages of instructions (with pictures), and made a shopping list.

I hardly ever leave the town in which I live, because I really don't have cause to.  I am a rare exception to the female form:  I hate to shop!  It doesn't matter if it is for clothes, food, toys for the kids, or something I really want.  I would rather order it online than drive 20 miles to the nearest chain store to buy it.  This stuff I couldn't really do that with, and since I didn't have anything else to do Sunday I decided what-the-heck, let's drive to the store.  I needed printer paper and manila folders anyway, and my $15 off coupon to Office Max wasn't going to be valid much longer.  I got the stuff I needed there, and then we drove all the way across town to Meijer thinking they would surely have everything we needed.  WRONG!!!  Do not go to Meijer to buy the ingredients for homemade laundry detergent.  At least not the one around here.  I even checked online, and the two main brands that are suggested for the bar soap are not carried by Meijer.  They do, however, carry Kirks Castile Original Coco Soap Bars, which I read could be substituted.  We needed dogfood too, though, so we did buy a few things at Meijer.  I felt better that it wasn't a completely wasted trip.

At that point I was about ready to throw in the towel, but since I discovered 2 rolls of 35mm film I forgot to drop off at the Meijer photo lab (Mommy Brain, remember), I decided a stop by Wal Mart wouldn't be completely out of the question.  BTW, someone remind me to check with them Friday to see if my pictures are ready because they took out their one-hour lab machines and had to send them out.  I was able to purchase all the remaining ingredients for the powdered detergent, plus a stockpot, cheese grater, 1 gallon jug, 5 gallon bucket with a lid (no pump, darnit), and 2 latch boxes for the powder.

I had promised my kids they could watch Cars, so the hubs and kids watched that while I made the detergent.  It took all 117 minutes of the movie, but I managed to make 5 gallons of concentrated liquid detergent and 2 boxes of powdered detergent.  This was no small feat, considering I had to grate 3 bars of soap 3 fingers wide, 2 fingers thick, and as long as my hand from heel to tip of my middle finger...and it had to be a fine grate, too.  The next day I diluted my first gallon of liquid detergent, and today I tried out all three formulations. 

So far I am satisfied.  Although I initially missed the perfumey fragrance of my original powder and liquid detergents, I quickly realized that that smell only lasts as long as it takes to put away the clothes.  Granted, sometimes that takes me a few months (I hate to put clothes away), but still - cost vs. effectiveness.  For what it is it works great.  My clothes were all clean, didn't really have a scent (even the powder with scented fabric softener), and there was no noticeable discoloration or fading. 

Now, I'm going to walk you through what I bought and what it cost me.  Plus, I'm going to tell you how I divided up my powdered detergent, and why.  Sorry the formatting is wonky, I copied and pasted from my Excel spreadsheet.

Homemade Laundry Detergent
One Time Buy			Store	Quantity		Price		Total
12.7 Qt Lidded Box			WalMart	2		$4.47		$8.94
5 Gallon Bucket			WalMart	1		$2.98		$2.98
5 Gallon Bucket Lid			WalMart	1		$1.17		$1.17
8 Qt Stockpot			WalMart	1		$6.94		$6.94
Bowl			preowned	1		$0.00		$0.00
Cheese grater			WalMart	1		$2.97		$2.97
Gallon Jug			WalMart	1		$2.96		$2.96
Measuring Cup (4 Tbs)			Meijer	1		$3.99		$3.99
Measuring Spoon (2 Tbs)			WalMart	2		$1.67		$3.34
Spoon			preowned	1		$0.00		$0.00
						Grand Total:		$33.29
Repeat Buy			Store	Quantity		Price		Total
Liquid
20 Mule Team Borax			Meijer	4#12o		$3.49		$3.49
Arm & Hammer Washing Soda			Meijer	3#7o		$3.29		$3.29
Fels Naptha			WalMart	5o		$0.97		$0.97
						Grand Total:		$7.75
Powdered
20 Mule Team Borax			Meijer	4#12o		$3.49		$3.49
Arm & Hammer Washing Soda			Meijer	3#7o		$3.29		$3.29
Fels Naptha			WalMart	5o x 2		$0.97		$1.94
Oxy Clean			preowned	1#8o		$7.87		$3.94
Arm & Hammer Baking Soda			WalMart	4#		$2.16		$2.16
Purex Crystlas Fabric Softener			Meijer	28o		$4.99		$4.99
						Grand Total:		$19.81

So, my one time buys were $33.29, and my repeat buys were $27.56 for a total of $60.85!  Wow, that seems like a lot, but if you look at how much detergent I made for less than $30...Basically I spent one year's worth of detergent purchases at one time, and I made enough detergent to last for probably 18 months (I may eat my words, I will repost when I run out). 

Look at it this way, I made 10 gallons of liquid, and I only use 1/4 cup at a time (front load) - that's 640 loads of laundry I can do for less than $8!!!  Today I did socks/underwear/whites, lights, brights, jeans/darks, reds, which is about typical for me on any given laundry day.  So, if I do 5 loads of laundry a week, and my husband usually does the same amount so we're up to 10 per week, it will last us for 64 weeks - approximately 16 months (which is darn close to my original estimate of 18 months without remaking detergent). 

Now, that is if we ONLY use liquid.  We don't.  We have different preferences depending on the load.  My husband typically uses powdered detergent.  Here's the kicker for the powder - you only use 2 Tbs of detergent at a time!  I didn't measure out my powdered ingredients to see how many cups were in a box of Borax, but I found a source online that said in a 55oz box you could expect 5.5 cups of powder, which gives me the rough estimate of 10oz per cup for the dense stuff (Borax, Soda, Oxy Clean).  My math may not be perfect, but when I piece it out by weight it comes up to something around 188 loads I can do using the powdered detergent.  I could do 4 loads of laundry a week using powdered detergent and still have enough for a solid year.  So, if I add those together, 640+188=828 loads of laundry I can do.  If I do 10 per week, that gives me 82.8 weeks of laundry before I have to make more detergent.  If I divide that by 52 weeks in a year, I should not have to make more detergent until 1 year and 7 months from now (March 2014).  I can live with that!

I mentioned above that I split my powdered detergent into 2 latch boxes.  Why did I do that?  Well, I don't like to use OxyClean on my colored clothes, and I don't like to use fabric softener on my towels.  "What?  No soft towels?  Remind me not to shower at your house!"  Google "should you use fabric softener on towels," and you will soon understand why I don't.  It makes them less absorbent and can actually trap odors in them.  I don't like that.  I want my towels to absorb as much water as possible - after all, that is why I use towels instead of shaking dry like a dog.  My method for splitting the batch was easy.  I have a food scale that has a TARE function.  This allowed me to place my container on the scale, set the Tare to 0, and then weigh each of my ingredients into the container itself.  After each ingredient I divided, I reset the Tare to 0 so I could be sure I was getting an accurate measure.  I also went back-and-forth between the two containers with each ingredient so I could be sure they were weighing the same amount.

Now, do you want the recipes?  I do not know where the liquid recipe originated, but the powdered one came from How Does She? which has a lot of great ideas and DIY projects.

Liquid Laundry Detergent

1 Fels Naptha bar (5.0 oz), finely grated
1/2 cup Borax
1 cup A&H Super Washing Soda
4 cups water + enough to make 5 gallons

1. Grate the bar of soap into a stockpot with at least a 2 qt capacity (mine is 8 qt).
2. Add 4 cups water, and heat over medium-low to medium heat until the soap is dissolved.
3. Measure Borax and Soda into 5 gallon bucket.  Fill halfway (2.5 gallons, 40 cups) with hot water.  Add melted soap mixture, and stir.
4. Add another 2 gallons of hot water to the mix, and if necessary add a little more until you hit the 5 gallon mark.  It may be helpful to premeasure 5 gallons of water into the bucket and mark the MAX FILL line on the outside of the bucket.  I wasn't sure where the 5 gallon mark should be.
5. Let this cool overnight.
6. Stir mixture and decant 1/2 gallon into a lidded gallon jug (preferably with a pour spout and tight fitting lid).  Top off with 1/2 gallon of water and stir.
7. You will need to shake or stir your gallon of detergent before each use to mix it all back up.

The original recipe states that you can add essential oils of your preference after the mixture has cooled.  A recipe I found online that is similar suggests 10-15 drops of oil per 2 gallons of detergent (5-7 per gallon of diluted).  You can see that recipe HERE.  Every recipe says that the mixture will "gel," but I followed it to the letter and mine did not.

Powdered Detergent (from How Does She?)

In Each Container:

2 lb 6 oz Borax
1 lb 11.5 oz Washing Soda
2 lb Baking Soda
5 oz Fels Naptha, grated

Whites/Towels Add:

1 lb 8 oz OxyClean

Colors/Sheets Add:

28 oz Purex Crystals Fabric Softener

DO NOT CLOSE THE LID AND SHAKE TO MIX!  The powders will particulate and seep through any small opening between the lid and box.  Trust me, I know.  My floor looked like powdered sugar had exploded on it, and I coughed the rest of the night from inhaling the powder.  Instead (I did this for the second box), use your hand to swirl the ingredients together.  It may look like it isn't well mixed, but you can always use the scoop to remix it before you use it just to be sure.

I hope this is helpful to you, and if you have any tips or suggestions for DIY home cleaning (not strictly laundry), feel free to share in the Comments section. :-}

Always Striving for Perfection...

...at the sake of making progress.  Why is it so hard to be satisfied with progress toward a goal?  Why do I always want perfection or nothing?  It isn't just perfection from my kids, husband, family.  It is perfection that I expect from myself in certain areas.  Housework, not so much, but definitely other areas of my life.  I expect myself to be a perfect parent (as if one exists above God), and I fail to recognize my triumphs at small parenting tasks.  That is my goal for the rest of this year.  Call it an almost-middle-of-the-year-resolution if you will.

I resolve to give myself credit for the progress I make and not to hold myself to a standard of unattainable perfection.

I finally broke down and bought a copy of 1-2-3 Magic (Phelan), so I can begin to use the counting and reward system.  It worked when I tried it briefly after the birth of my son when I felt my daughter's behavior was spiraling out of control.  It has just been in the last couple of weeks that I have realized my kids are not the problem.  I am the problem.  Wow! that is hard to admit.  I am the problem.  It certainly doesn't feel good to say that. 

I have realized that I am a very controlling person, or I try to be.  Apparently I feel so out of control with my own life that I try to control everything else.  I do not adapt well to changing a horse midstream.  I am not flexible.  It is hard to be an effective parent when you aren't flexible.  I have to be the one in charge of trip planning and making schedules.  I have tried to put my kids on schedules several times, but I have lost my follow-through.  I used to be very goal oriented and able to attain any goal I put my mind to.  I have become someone who does things in theory, reality be darned.  I hate that about myself!

So, here is my plan (ha! maybe I can stick with this one). 

1. I am going to use positive reinforcement not only with my kids but also with myself.  I am going to print out a monthly calendar.  On that calendar, I am going to color the days:  Green (good), Yellow (middling), Red (bad).  This is going to be according to two things, so I might have to split the days.  I am going to keep track of my own attitude, but I am also going to keep track of my kids' behavior.  Time outs are going to be recorded alongside my outbursts.  Yelling does no one any good, and I already try to avoid spanking because it really does no one any good.  I have been praying every night that God will help me to be strong enough to be an effective parent who has more good days than bad.  If I can increase my own good days, I am sure my kids' good days will increase by association.  Bad moods are very contagious, just as a jolly disposition and smiling face are contagious, just as a person who is laughing for no reason often incites those around to join in the laughing while asking, "what are we laughing at?"
2. I am going to make a list of Stop behaviors (to count) and Start behaviors (to reward) to edge my kids toward the attitudes and behaviors I want them to possess.  I am going to use those lists to limit my own actions as well: if it isn't on the list (and isn't an emergency situation) it isn't going to get a response from me (oh boy! that is going to be near impossible).
3. I am going to set realistic goals for when I want a behavior to be extinct or habit, and when we have reached those goals we are going to celebrate (though I likely won't tell the kids why). On the road to extinction and habit, I am going to celebrate small milestones - more good days than bad, two in a row of no yelling or time outs, and other small things.
4. I am going to share my PROGRESS toward being a good parent and my STRUGGLE with wanting perfection.

Think I can do it?  Any advice on how you've done it?  Leave me your comments!  I'm always eager to learn from seasoned vets :)