As most parents experience at some point, I have been stuck in a rut with my kids' misbehavior and the consequences that go along with it. Time Out does not work for us, and spanking (while a controversial practice for some) is a short-term fix - it stops the behavior for about 10 minutes. I want to change the way my kids behave through positive reinforcement so that I don't have to yell, threaten, take away toys, or spank bottoms.
Last week I was catching up on some reading. My daughter was finally back in school (for 2 days) after 12 snow days since Christmas break was over, so it was just my son and me at home. He was watching a cartoon, and I found myself with a few minutes to relax and indulge in mommy reading time. I had a back-issue of Family Fun, so I read it cover-to-cover while the cartoon played. One article talked about how a mom created a system of paying her kids for chores that would allow them to earn "money" to spend on souvenirs on vacation. That set my thinking wheels in motion.
We have a family vacation coming up this summer (if my daughter isn't still in school...), and while I do not do much souvenir shopping, my kids love to bring home little trinkets. I always balk at the idea of spending "that kind of money" on something like that, i.e. something of poor quality that is going to break before it makes it home. I was also trying to think of what kinds of "chores" my kiddos could do that would allow them to experience success on a daily basis. I've learned that if the reward is not immediate, at least in the beginning, my kids are not going to put in the work it takes to earn the reward. I also had a hard time figuring out what kind of graduated payment system to use. I didn't want to make everything worth the same amount of money and then trade in a certain number of bucks for real money. That just seemed like trickery.
Enter Operation Beach Bucks. I made a list of everyday type things that needed improvement (cutting back on time spent in the bathroom, etc.) and made those worth a dime, bigger daily things like bath time without complaint and getting to school on time are worth a quarter, homework/good behavior (green) all day/cleaning up toys/trying new foods are worth 50 cents, and then we get to the big things - folding laundry and putting it away/staying above "good" behavior (blue) are worth $1, staying two spots above good (purple) is worth $2, and making it to the STAR is worth a whopping $5.
Obviously this is going to have a rate of diminishing return. I can't keep paying out lots of money every day for the next 5 months, or I would be broke just trying to exchange their Bucks for real money. Once a month I plan to reassess which items on the list have been mastered, and they will be moved down the list of value. Most likely they will either be worth less money, or the kids will have to do multiple consecutive days to receive the same pay.
Day 1 (yesterday) turned out grand! The day started horrifically with yelling, arguing, and refusal of basic daily duties. After I explained and implemented OBB, my children were transformed (for most of the day). My daughter earned $3, my son earned $1! Part of that was for TRYING NEW FOODS!!!! That is a huge accomplishment for my son, less of one for my daughter. After overhearing my mom say she wished someone besides her liked to drink buttermilk, my daughter came to the kitchen and exclaimed she wanted to try it. I poured her a tablespoon of it into a glass, and that little booger drank it and said she loved it. Whether she actually liked it or not remains unknown, but she said it tasted like cottage cheese, and she does love that. She proceeded to call my mamaw (her great-grandmother) and tell her that she had tried it and liked it. Then she tried chicken tortilla soup, which was new for her!
My son, bless his heart, is a very picky/stubborn eater. His main dietary staples are peanut butter and jelly, Ramen noodles with cheese, oatmeal with butter/sugar/cinnamon, and fettuccine alfredo. There are a few other things he eats when they are available, but those things are his day-to-day foods. I didn't give him the choice in what his new food to try was, because I knew he would say "jus' nuffing." My husband scrambled an egg, and we plated it with a small pile of shredded Mexican cheese, a tablespoon of honey barbecue sauce, and a tablespoon of ketchup. He immediately pushed his plate away and declared he was not hungry. I took a very small bite of his egg, to show him that I was not afraid to try his "new" food, which isn't a new one at all, just one he hasn't eaten since he was 18 months old aside from one bite he took of an egg sandwich I ate last month. After that he tolerated his plate being in front of him. Then he picked up his fork, and I thought, "This is it. He's either going to take a bite or rake it all in the floor." He had a large bowl from their play kitchen, and he said he would eat his food if it was in that bowl. I'm sure he fully expected me to refuse to put his food in a play bowl. Instead, I had my husband wash and dry it, and I asked my son whether he wanted all the egg or one bite in the bowl. He said one bite, and he wanted the ketchup, too. It took him at least 2 minutes to work up the nerve to eat that first bite. He put it on his fork, played with it in the ketchup for a while, counted to four a few times, and then after we all hid our eyes so we couldn't watch him, he finally put the bite in his mouth, chewed, and SWALLOWED!!! I almost cried! No kidding, I felt tears stinging my eyes when I saw the look of joy on his face that he had tried something new and hadn't gagged or spit it out. We all clapped and said how proud we were of him. He ate about 3 more bites of egg dipped first in ketchup then in barbecue sauce (which is another NEW food for him), and each time he counted to 3, 4, or 5, chewed, swallowed, and beamed with pride. Each time we clapped and told him how proud we were, this included his older sister. After he had eaten about a fourth of the egg, he said, "I'm done." I didn't push him to eat more, I was satisfied. He earned that 50 cents! I had told them that trying a new food meant they had to take one whole bite, chew it, and swallow it, or it wouldn't count. They both more than earned the Beach Bucks for that particular task.
The other big thing that Beach Bucks has (so far) helped with is homework and practicing piano. Day 2 and homework is done. We haven't practiced piano, yet, but we will. Fingers crossed that this alleviates some of the stress and frustration we all feel every day.
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