Always Striving for Perfection...

...at the sake of making progress.  Why is it so hard to be satisfied with progress toward a goal?  Why do I always want perfection or nothing?  It isn't just perfection from my kids, husband, family.  It is perfection that I expect from myself in certain areas.  Housework, not so much, but definitely other areas of my life.  I expect myself to be a perfect parent (as if one exists above God), and I fail to recognize my triumphs at small parenting tasks.  That is my goal for the rest of this year.  Call it an almost-middle-of-the-year-resolution if you will.

I resolve to give myself credit for the progress I make and not to hold myself to a standard of unattainable perfection.

I finally broke down and bought a copy of 1-2-3 Magic (Phelan), so I can begin to use the counting and reward system.  It worked when I tried it briefly after the birth of my son when I felt my daughter's behavior was spiraling out of control.  It has just been in the last couple of weeks that I have realized my kids are not the problem.  I am the problem.  Wow! that is hard to admit.  I am the problem.  It certainly doesn't feel good to say that. 

I have realized that I am a very controlling person, or I try to be.  Apparently I feel so out of control with my own life that I try to control everything else.  I do not adapt well to changing a horse midstream.  I am not flexible.  It is hard to be an effective parent when you aren't flexible.  I have to be the one in charge of trip planning and making schedules.  I have tried to put my kids on schedules several times, but I have lost my follow-through.  I used to be very goal oriented and able to attain any goal I put my mind to.  I have become someone who does things in theory, reality be darned.  I hate that about myself!

So, here is my plan (ha! maybe I can stick with this one). 

1. I am going to use positive reinforcement not only with my kids but also with myself.  I am going to print out a monthly calendar.  On that calendar, I am going to color the days:  Green (good), Yellow (middling), Red (bad).  This is going to be according to two things, so I might have to split the days.  I am going to keep track of my own attitude, but I am also going to keep track of my kids' behavior.  Time outs are going to be recorded alongside my outbursts.  Yelling does no one any good, and I already try to avoid spanking because it really does no one any good.  I have been praying every night that God will help me to be strong enough to be an effective parent who has more good days than bad.  If I can increase my own good days, I am sure my kids' good days will increase by association.  Bad moods are very contagious, just as a jolly disposition and smiling face are contagious, just as a person who is laughing for no reason often incites those around to join in the laughing while asking, "what are we laughing at?"
2. I am going to make a list of Stop behaviors (to count) and Start behaviors (to reward) to edge my kids toward the attitudes and behaviors I want them to possess.  I am going to use those lists to limit my own actions as well: if it isn't on the list (and isn't an emergency situation) it isn't going to get a response from me (oh boy! that is going to be near impossible).
3. I am going to set realistic goals for when I want a behavior to be extinct or habit, and when we have reached those goals we are going to celebrate (though I likely won't tell the kids why). On the road to extinction and habit, I am going to celebrate small milestones - more good days than bad, two in a row of no yelling or time outs, and other small things.
4. I am going to share my PROGRESS toward being a good parent and my STRUGGLE with wanting perfection.

Think I can do it?  Any advice on how you've done it?  Leave me your comments!  I'm always eager to learn from seasoned vets :)