What Is The Past?

Sometimes it can be nice to take a walk down memory lane.  We revisit the days of our youth, call upon old friends, recall the “good times” before “life” happened.  If we are not cautious, that stroll may be so enticing and enjoyable that it turns into a vacation, a retreat.  Once we stay longer in the past, we become comfortable with the way things were.  After all, we know where we belong in the past.  It is familiar, a known constant.  At that point, taking up permanent residence in the past is all too easy.  We forget about the problematic nature of the present, the unknown quantity of the future.  We take comfort in the things we’ve known and done.  Perhaps we have a friend or two who share in our revelry and help to revive the feelings of youth, daring, carefree living.  That is when we’ve struck the proverbial ice berg.

We know that our past is behind us, yet it still holds such strong sway over us.  Our past shaped us into whom and what we are today.  We learn from and grow from the experiences in our past.  However, Disney said it best when Timon and Pumbaa instructed young Simba to leave his past behind him (or was it his behind in the past?).  Our past is over.  It is done.  It cannot be changed, no matter how much we yearn to change the things that didn’t turn out as planned.  It is a chapter in our lives that should be closed.  We can look through the windows and see glimpses of what our past was, but we should never break the locks and force the door open to visit in or move back to our past.

Occasionally a brief foray into the past is instrumental in moving forward into the future.  The experiences we’ve had help us to understand how to deal with the events we will encounter.  The key to this is to keep the trip brief.  Each day that we live our past waxes and our present and future wans.  This is the nature of life.  We are not given an infinite number of days; in such a scenario our past and future would be given equal weight.  As it stands, our past can weigh us down and prevent us from enjoying our present and from moving into our future.  When we spend too much time visiting (or move into) our past, we completely miss our present and wake one day in the near (or distant, as it may be) future and wonder where the days, weeks, months, or even years have gone.  They will have gone the way of all our days – to the past.

We sometimes feel that our past was halcyon compared to the trials and tribulations we endure in the present.  Sometimes we wish to seek closure from a relationship or event that left us feeling raw, bitter perhaps.  As difficult as it seems to move past those things, the past should be left alone.  Breathing new life into old memories and friendships feels exciting, fresh.  They can quickly become monsters consuming our energy and focus that would be better spent on the people and things that are currently the most important pieces of our lives – our present.  Like our days on earth, our focus and energy are finite.  Staying too long in the past causes us to neglect our present, which desperately needs the devotion of our focus and energy. 

This is especially true when you have children.  As quickly as our own lives pass, the lives of our children are in perpetual motion at Mach III.  How sad to wake one day and realize that the time we could have spent making memories and having meaningful experiences with our children was wasted reliving a past that is long deceased.  From this day forth, I pledge the greatest gift I can give to my children (and myself).  I will no longer live in the past.  I will embrace my present and look forward to my future.  I will not allow my past to drag me down, to sully my present, to change my future.  I will stand bravely and face into the winds of this turbulent time in which we live.  I will live now rather than then.  My past is my past, and I will limit my exposure to window shopping, a visit to a museum.  I will not attempt to resurrect a part of my past unless it will explicitly help me better my present or future.  I will not allow my past to deconstruct what I have painstakingly built based upon the foundation it laid.

Today is a gift, that is why it is called the present.  The past is gone, it is where we Put Away Sections of Time.  The Bible calls for us to put away the childish things of our pasts to claim our rightful positions as adults.  It is a difficult thing to do, but it is necessary.  In addition to the things of our past, sometimes the people of our past should be detained there.  They need not travel with us through life.  It is acceptable, necessary even, to keep them on an extended layover while you go on living.  All you must do is refer to the poem about friendships for Reasons, Seasons, or Lifetimes, and you will quickly see that not all of our friendships are scripted for a Lifetime.  There will come a day when our reminiscences are all we have, and at that time it will be a wonderful thing to be able to call upon our memories of days-gone-by.  While there is still a bountiful life to live in the present and future, our past should be like the wind at our back – pushing us forward to bigger and better things.

Trying the Homemade Way

A lot of my friends have jumped on the homemade laundry detergent bandwagon here lately, so naturally I thought I would give it a go too.  I hate paying $30 for a piddling amount of liquid or powder detergent, especially when the containers get smaller each time I buy it (and I buy the biggest one I can find).  To buy both powder and liquid for a year runs between $60 and $120 depending on how many loads of laundry I actually do.  Recently I've been trying to stay on top of it more, "Monday wash day...," but that doesn't necessarily mean I use less detergent, just that I wash smaller loads more frequently.

My mom had told me a couple years ago about one of her coworkers who used homemade liquid detergent and swore by it.  She told me that it was super concentrated, and cheap, and that it lasted forever.  I was intrigued, but with one toddler and a baby on the way, I wasn't enthusiastic about grating a bar of soap and lugging around a 5 gallon bucket to do my laundry. 

What's different now?  Well, that toddler is now able to entertain herself, and her brother, long enough for me not only to make detergent but also to get a load of clothes in the washer often enough to get my laundry plus both of theirs done in one day.  Sometimes the kids even help me sort! 

Once upon a time, not so long ago actually, I sorted by color.  I don't mean color families, I mean by color:  underwear/socks, whites, lights (pastels), yellows/greens/blues, pinks/purples, red, brown/black/gray, blue jeans.  That meant that I was waiting two or three weeks to get a large enough load to separate them that way, and by then we were out of essential items...like socks and underwear!  Then, I got a little smarter and started combining them in ways that made marginally more sense:  socks/underwear/blue jeans, black/brown/gray/dark blues, whites/lights, pinks/reds/oranges, yellows/greens/blues/purples.  Ok, I'll admit, that was still a lot of sorting, and a lot of teensy loads or waiting for weeks to wash.

In the last couple of months, I have resorted to the tried and true method of sorting...kinda:  socks/underwear, blue jeans/blues/black/brown/gray, brights, lights, whites, and if I have enough reds they get their own load just because red likes to run.  Sometimes I combine socks/underwear/whites if the whites are not "good" clothes (ie, old sleep shirts).  Sometimes I combine socks/underwear/jeans.  It all depends on what my loads consist of, and I'm sure that is all about to change since the dark and dreary clothes of winter are but a few months away.

So what does all this have to do with detergent?  I hate paying so darn much to wash my clothes!  I have a front load washer/dryer, so I have to use less detergent anyway, but still - with the "concentrated" formulas that you are supposed to be able to use less of, and less in the bottle or box to start with, I am still buying more detergent than I feel is necessary.  Enter the land of Make-Your-Own-Stuff!

My mom brought me home a recipe for super easy (four ingredients, people) liquid detergent.  I bought the bar of soap and washing soda I needed, and I already had the other two ingredients.  Didn't even make a dent in my wallet.  Already I loved it.  But, I had to cook it.  :-/  I did NOT want to use a pan that I actually cook food in to make detergent.  Call me strange, but I always worry that there will be a scratch or some porous part that will hold in something that might contaminate (poison) my food.  I don't take chances where my kids are concerned. 

So I was waiting and waiting and waiting to just happen upon a cheapo saucepan, and a 5 gallon bucket (preferably with a pump in the lid), to make the stuff in.  Guess you kind of figured out that didn't happen right away.  So the recipe laid on my buffet and got covered with the miscellany of everyday life, and I kept saying, "I need to get that stuff so I can make my detergent."  I've been out of liquid detergent for months now.  I never lucked into a pan and bucket falling out of the sky and begging me to use them to make detergent, so I decided that I just needed to suck it up and get myself to the nearest Wal Mart and buy the dang pan and bucket. 

In the betweentime, from when I got the liquid detergent recipe up to a couple weeks ago, I was at a friend's house.  She made her own powdered detergent, and it smelled so good!  I asked her for the link to the recipe, but she has a young child and a new job and like the rest of us with kids, she has Mommy Brain - a condition that makes you feel like a complete idiot half of your waking hours but is totally worth it because of the cause of it - so it slipped through the cracks of her mind much like it would have slipped through my own cracks if someone had asked me to forward them a recipe for detergent.  So, Internet sleuth that I am, I tracked it down.  Ok, Pinterest helped me A LOT, folks!  Just type in "homemade laundry detergent," and you'll get about three thousand pins of the same picture.  Don't believe me?  Go on and try it...I dare you.  I do wish there was a feature that allowed you to get only ONE pin of a specific picture/website rather than every single instance that it has been repinned.  Give me the original!  I don't care if JohnnyCakesMommy repinned it via SallyGoesHollywood onto ThingsToMake.  At any rate, I tracked it down, printed out 7 pages of instructions (with pictures), and made a shopping list.

I hardly ever leave the town in which I live, because I really don't have cause to.  I am a rare exception to the female form:  I hate to shop!  It doesn't matter if it is for clothes, food, toys for the kids, or something I really want.  I would rather order it online than drive 20 miles to the nearest chain store to buy it.  This stuff I couldn't really do that with, and since I didn't have anything else to do Sunday I decided what-the-heck, let's drive to the store.  I needed printer paper and manila folders anyway, and my $15 off coupon to Office Max wasn't going to be valid much longer.  I got the stuff I needed there, and then we drove all the way across town to Meijer thinking they would surely have everything we needed.  WRONG!!!  Do not go to Meijer to buy the ingredients for homemade laundry detergent.  At least not the one around here.  I even checked online, and the two main brands that are suggested for the bar soap are not carried by Meijer.  They do, however, carry Kirks Castile Original Coco Soap Bars, which I read could be substituted.  We needed dogfood too, though, so we did buy a few things at Meijer.  I felt better that it wasn't a completely wasted trip.

At that point I was about ready to throw in the towel, but since I discovered 2 rolls of 35mm film I forgot to drop off at the Meijer photo lab (Mommy Brain, remember), I decided a stop by Wal Mart wouldn't be completely out of the question.  BTW, someone remind me to check with them Friday to see if my pictures are ready because they took out their one-hour lab machines and had to send them out.  I was able to purchase all the remaining ingredients for the powdered detergent, plus a stockpot, cheese grater, 1 gallon jug, 5 gallon bucket with a lid (no pump, darnit), and 2 latch boxes for the powder.

I had promised my kids they could watch Cars, so the hubs and kids watched that while I made the detergent.  It took all 117 minutes of the movie, but I managed to make 5 gallons of concentrated liquid detergent and 2 boxes of powdered detergent.  This was no small feat, considering I had to grate 3 bars of soap 3 fingers wide, 2 fingers thick, and as long as my hand from heel to tip of my middle finger...and it had to be a fine grate, too.  The next day I diluted my first gallon of liquid detergent, and today I tried out all three formulations. 

So far I am satisfied.  Although I initially missed the perfumey fragrance of my original powder and liquid detergents, I quickly realized that that smell only lasts as long as it takes to put away the clothes.  Granted, sometimes that takes me a few months (I hate to put clothes away), but still - cost vs. effectiveness.  For what it is it works great.  My clothes were all clean, didn't really have a scent (even the powder with scented fabric softener), and there was no noticeable discoloration or fading. 

Now, I'm going to walk you through what I bought and what it cost me.  Plus, I'm going to tell you how I divided up my powdered detergent, and why.  Sorry the formatting is wonky, I copied and pasted from my Excel spreadsheet.

Homemade Laundry Detergent
One Time Buy			Store	Quantity		Price		Total
12.7 Qt Lidded Box			WalMart	2		$4.47		$8.94
5 Gallon Bucket			WalMart	1		$2.98		$2.98
5 Gallon Bucket Lid			WalMart	1		$1.17		$1.17
8 Qt Stockpot			WalMart	1		$6.94		$6.94
Bowl			preowned	1		$0.00		$0.00
Cheese grater			WalMart	1		$2.97		$2.97
Gallon Jug			WalMart	1		$2.96		$2.96
Measuring Cup (4 Tbs)			Meijer	1		$3.99		$3.99
Measuring Spoon (2 Tbs)			WalMart	2		$1.67		$3.34
Spoon			preowned	1		$0.00		$0.00
						Grand Total:		$33.29
Repeat Buy			Store	Quantity		Price		Total
Liquid
20 Mule Team Borax			Meijer	4#12o		$3.49		$3.49
Arm & Hammer Washing Soda			Meijer	3#7o		$3.29		$3.29
Fels Naptha			WalMart	5o		$0.97		$0.97
						Grand Total:		$7.75
Powdered
20 Mule Team Borax			Meijer	4#12o		$3.49		$3.49
Arm & Hammer Washing Soda			Meijer	3#7o		$3.29		$3.29
Fels Naptha			WalMart	5o x 2		$0.97		$1.94
Oxy Clean			preowned	1#8o		$7.87		$3.94
Arm & Hammer Baking Soda			WalMart	4#		$2.16		$2.16
Purex Crystlas Fabric Softener			Meijer	28o		$4.99		$4.99
						Grand Total:		$19.81

So, my one time buys were $33.29, and my repeat buys were $27.56 for a total of $60.85!  Wow, that seems like a lot, but if you look at how much detergent I made for less than $30...Basically I spent one year's worth of detergent purchases at one time, and I made enough detergent to last for probably 18 months (I may eat my words, I will repost when I run out). 

Look at it this way, I made 10 gallons of liquid, and I only use 1/4 cup at a time (front load) - that's 640 loads of laundry I can do for less than $8!!!  Today I did socks/underwear/whites, lights, brights, jeans/darks, reds, which is about typical for me on any given laundry day.  So, if I do 5 loads of laundry a week, and my husband usually does the same amount so we're up to 10 per week, it will last us for 64 weeks - approximately 16 months (which is darn close to my original estimate of 18 months without remaking detergent). 

Now, that is if we ONLY use liquid.  We don't.  We have different preferences depending on the load.  My husband typically uses powdered detergent.  Here's the kicker for the powder - you only use 2 Tbs of detergent at a time!  I didn't measure out my powdered ingredients to see how many cups were in a box of Borax, but I found a source online that said in a 55oz box you could expect 5.5 cups of powder, which gives me the rough estimate of 10oz per cup for the dense stuff (Borax, Soda, Oxy Clean).  My math may not be perfect, but when I piece it out by weight it comes up to something around 188 loads I can do using the powdered detergent.  I could do 4 loads of laundry a week using powdered detergent and still have enough for a solid year.  So, if I add those together, 640+188=828 loads of laundry I can do.  If I do 10 per week, that gives me 82.8 weeks of laundry before I have to make more detergent.  If I divide that by 52 weeks in a year, I should not have to make more detergent until 1 year and 7 months from now (March 2014).  I can live with that!

I mentioned above that I split my powdered detergent into 2 latch boxes.  Why did I do that?  Well, I don't like to use OxyClean on my colored clothes, and I don't like to use fabric softener on my towels.  "What?  No soft towels?  Remind me not to shower at your house!"  Google "should you use fabric softener on towels," and you will soon understand why I don't.  It makes them less absorbent and can actually trap odors in them.  I don't like that.  I want my towels to absorb as much water as possible - after all, that is why I use towels instead of shaking dry like a dog.  My method for splitting the batch was easy.  I have a food scale that has a TARE function.  This allowed me to place my container on the scale, set the Tare to 0, and then weigh each of my ingredients into the container itself.  After each ingredient I divided, I reset the Tare to 0 so I could be sure I was getting an accurate measure.  I also went back-and-forth between the two containers with each ingredient so I could be sure they were weighing the same amount.

Now, do you want the recipes?  I do not know where the liquid recipe originated, but the powdered one came from How Does She? which has a lot of great ideas and DIY projects.

Liquid Laundry Detergent

1 Fels Naptha bar (5.0 oz), finely grated
1/2 cup Borax
1 cup A&H Super Washing Soda
4 cups water + enough to make 5 gallons

1. Grate the bar of soap into a stockpot with at least a 2 qt capacity (mine is 8 qt).
2. Add 4 cups water, and heat over medium-low to medium heat until the soap is dissolved.
3. Measure Borax and Soda into 5 gallon bucket.  Fill halfway (2.5 gallons, 40 cups) with hot water.  Add melted soap mixture, and stir.
4. Add another 2 gallons of hot water to the mix, and if necessary add a little more until you hit the 5 gallon mark.  It may be helpful to premeasure 5 gallons of water into the bucket and mark the MAX FILL line on the outside of the bucket.  I wasn't sure where the 5 gallon mark should be.
5. Let this cool overnight.
6. Stir mixture and decant 1/2 gallon into a lidded gallon jug (preferably with a pour spout and tight fitting lid).  Top off with 1/2 gallon of water and stir.
7. You will need to shake or stir your gallon of detergent before each use to mix it all back up.

The original recipe states that you can add essential oils of your preference after the mixture has cooled.  A recipe I found online that is similar suggests 10-15 drops of oil per 2 gallons of detergent (5-7 per gallon of diluted).  You can see that recipe HERE.  Every recipe says that the mixture will "gel," but I followed it to the letter and mine did not.

Powdered Detergent (from How Does She?)

In Each Container:

2 lb 6 oz Borax
1 lb 11.5 oz Washing Soda
2 lb Baking Soda
5 oz Fels Naptha, grated

Whites/Towels Add:

1 lb 8 oz OxyClean

Colors/Sheets Add:

28 oz Purex Crystals Fabric Softener

DO NOT CLOSE THE LID AND SHAKE TO MIX!  The powders will particulate and seep through any small opening between the lid and box.  Trust me, I know.  My floor looked like powdered sugar had exploded on it, and I coughed the rest of the night from inhaling the powder.  Instead (I did this for the second box), use your hand to swirl the ingredients together.  It may look like it isn't well mixed, but you can always use the scoop to remix it before you use it just to be sure.

I hope this is helpful to you, and if you have any tips or suggestions for DIY home cleaning (not strictly laundry), feel free to share in the Comments section. :-}

Always Striving for Perfection...

...at the sake of making progress.  Why is it so hard to be satisfied with progress toward a goal?  Why do I always want perfection or nothing?  It isn't just perfection from my kids, husband, family.  It is perfection that I expect from myself in certain areas.  Housework, not so much, but definitely other areas of my life.  I expect myself to be a perfect parent (as if one exists above God), and I fail to recognize my triumphs at small parenting tasks.  That is my goal for the rest of this year.  Call it an almost-middle-of-the-year-resolution if you will.

I resolve to give myself credit for the progress I make and not to hold myself to a standard of unattainable perfection.

I finally broke down and bought a copy of 1-2-3 Magic (Phelan), so I can begin to use the counting and reward system.  It worked when I tried it briefly after the birth of my son when I felt my daughter's behavior was spiraling out of control.  It has just been in the last couple of weeks that I have realized my kids are not the problem.  I am the problem.  Wow! that is hard to admit.  I am the problem.  It certainly doesn't feel good to say that. 

I have realized that I am a very controlling person, or I try to be.  Apparently I feel so out of control with my own life that I try to control everything else.  I do not adapt well to changing a horse midstream.  I am not flexible.  It is hard to be an effective parent when you aren't flexible.  I have to be the one in charge of trip planning and making schedules.  I have tried to put my kids on schedules several times, but I have lost my follow-through.  I used to be very goal oriented and able to attain any goal I put my mind to.  I have become someone who does things in theory, reality be darned.  I hate that about myself!

So, here is my plan (ha! maybe I can stick with this one). 

1. I am going to use positive reinforcement not only with my kids but also with myself.  I am going to print out a monthly calendar.  On that calendar, I am going to color the days:  Green (good), Yellow (middling), Red (bad).  This is going to be according to two things, so I might have to split the days.  I am going to keep track of my own attitude, but I am also going to keep track of my kids' behavior.  Time outs are going to be recorded alongside my outbursts.  Yelling does no one any good, and I already try to avoid spanking because it really does no one any good.  I have been praying every night that God will help me to be strong enough to be an effective parent who has more good days than bad.  If I can increase my own good days, I am sure my kids' good days will increase by association.  Bad moods are very contagious, just as a jolly disposition and smiling face are contagious, just as a person who is laughing for no reason often incites those around to join in the laughing while asking, "what are we laughing at?"
2. I am going to make a list of Stop behaviors (to count) and Start behaviors (to reward) to edge my kids toward the attitudes and behaviors I want them to possess.  I am going to use those lists to limit my own actions as well: if it isn't on the list (and isn't an emergency situation) it isn't going to get a response from me (oh boy! that is going to be near impossible).
3. I am going to set realistic goals for when I want a behavior to be extinct or habit, and when we have reached those goals we are going to celebrate (though I likely won't tell the kids why). On the road to extinction and habit, I am going to celebrate small milestones - more good days than bad, two in a row of no yelling or time outs, and other small things.
4. I am going to share my PROGRESS toward being a good parent and my STRUGGLE with wanting perfection.

Think I can do it?  Any advice on how you've done it?  Leave me your comments!  I'm always eager to learn from seasoned vets :)

Stifle Yourself

Are we preprogrammed to stifle any feelings and outward displays of joy? I am beginning to believe so. I have always been incredibly self-conscious and uncomfortable with the idea of other people judging me by my actions. I find it difficult to show joy and happiness when I am participating in any activity with another person besides my children. I can't even smile during a movie at home with my husband for fear he thinks I am odd for finding it humorous or interesting. Realizing this may help me understand (and fix) my anger and tough exterior. For all my vocalizations I should have been a drill sergeant or a lawyer!

Why I asked if we are preprogrammed to hide our true emotions is because of my daughter. She had asked to ride a merry go round outside the local Family Dollar, and I put it off because I can't leave my son in the van alone and he is not yet big enough to ride it with her. Last week I went to Save A Lot to get a gallon of white vinegar to try out the homemade cleaners from Organized Simplicity. Since I had another adult with me to stay with my son, I decided to let my daughter ride. She was excited, but once she started going 'round, she tried to hide her joy, smile, and laughter from me as if she were embarrassed to be feeling joy in this new experience. I thought it was strange.

Today, I took her to ride again expecting her to be eager to ride. She didn't even want to get out of the van! Once I finally convinced her it was ok, and if she really didn't want to it was fine but we wouldn't be back, she said, "Well, maybe." I put her on the yellow horse this time (white last time), put in my 50 cents, and off she galloped...still trying not to let me see her enjoy the ride. I took pleasure in knowing she was enjoying it, but I am concerned for her. If she tries to hide her enjoyment now, at age 3, how much harder is it going to be to express joy as she gets older? I want her to have a zest for life and to enjoy as much as she can. I guess that means I am going to have to break down my own walls and show her how it's done. I wonder where to start? It is going to be hard to ignore the inner voice whispering, "Stifle yourself," at every turn.

Can We Call This Sleep Training If He Doesn't Sleep?

It has been a full week since we started trying to get our kids to bed at a decent hour.  At this point, the kids are becoming more consistent with being ready for bed.  Our days are going a little more smoothly, and I'm becoming anxious for where this might lead.  Nap time is slowly returning to our house!

We have been trying to be home by about 8pm, which gives us some time each night as a foursome to unwind and do the nighttime rituals that are necessary to get us all in bed.  We let the kids play for a few minutes while we get things picked up around the house, finishing with the toys in the living room.  After pickup, we brush teeth (which is not an easy task) and make sure everyone has an empty bladder.  There are few things less enticing than the idea of waking up drenched in someone else's urine (even if it is one of the people you love most in the world)!  Sometimes our daughter protests that she just went potty at mamaw's and papaw's house, but I follow my mom's advice to always try.  I'm satisfied if she can even get out a few drips.  After we accomplish this feat, it is off to bed for story and song time (see previous post). 

It has been amazing to see the childrens' eyes close in sweet slumber before 10pm.  In fact, it has been closer to 9:30 when they nod off to sleep.  Yay!  This means I have the opportunity to start my me time a full hour or more earlier.  I have been able to restart Stormie O'Martian's Power of a Praying Parent book and study/prayer guide.  I have the plan to read this book in conjunction with 2 other of O'Martian's titles: Power of a Praying Wife, and Power of Prayer to Change Your Marriage. 

I have an old-school Mead spiral bound 3 subject notebook that I am keeping my answers from the study/prayer guides in.  That way, they are all in one place, but I have an easy way to keep them separate for ease of use.  Each book is divided into weeklong assignments for reading, reflection, and specific guided prayer.  The workbook asks you some pretty tough questions about your life, expectations, motives, and actions.  It also asks you to write your own prayers to cover a specific area that needs attention - past mistakes that you feel guilt over is one.  I am writing my answers to the questions on one page (half for my daughter, half for my son) - front and back - and the following page is where I am writing my prayers for the week.  So far I have only managed to complete the first week for Parent.

"Slacker!" You might think.  "You've had more time this week than before, and you can't manage to read three chapters?"  Just as I said the kids are becoming more consistent with their bedtimes, my son has not yet made the transition to sleeping through the night (generally wakes after 2 hours in bed).  In fact he has been so off with his behavior since December 21, 2011 that I am going to be making an appointment with his pediatrician for this week.  I have to go with my intuition on this one and say "something ain't right."  I have been tracking his symptoms since he recovered from his cold.  Loss of appetite, change in mood and behavior, severe irritability, change in sleep patterns, stumbling and falling frequently, bruises easily, and a few mysterious blisters on his left middle finger, left pinkie toe, and left heel.  A few mornings ago he even ran into the door when he got out of bed!  He has not had a fever since before his MMR vaccine a week after he recovered from the cold, but I believe strongly that he may have an inner ear infection.  Regardless, I don't think it can wait until his next well-child visit in March.

To add to that, my mom was briefly hospitalized for pneumonia, and the antibiotic they prescribed and administered intravenously (avelox) can cause swollen or ruptured tendons up to 2 years after finishing the drug.  She was also apparently so severely anemic that she is on a high dose of iron twice a day.  She has to go back to the doctor in 2 weeks for repeat lab testing.  If her results have not improved, she will be seeing a renal specialist and likely be subjected to more invasive testing to find the cause of her problems.  It is a very tense and scary situation since her father had impaired renal function, non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, ALS, heart disease, aneurysms in his aorta and both legs, and eventually a stroke.  We already know that she has PVCs (premature ventricular contractions) and A-Fib (atrial fibrillation) as well as a murmur.  This must be genetic, because I also have A-Fib, some mild PVCs, and such a low resting heart rate that my heart actually stopped for nearly 3 seconds while I was sleeping in December 2010 (24 hour monitor followed with a diagnosis of needing a pace maker and a visit with an electrophysiologist and wearing a 28 day Holter Monitor).  Now her fever won't stay down.  She is also taking augmentin, so you would think that the original sinus and ear infection would be gone by now and that the pneumonia would be weakened...  Needless to say, we are praying hard!

Back to my original quandary - is it sleep training if the child isn't sleeping?  I can't let him cry it out when he wakes up, because there is no "out" to his crying.  He will scream for more than an hour - believe me, I know firsthand!  He is weaned, so there is no midnight snacking.  He simply desires physical contact, and he will not settle down until he has it.

All in a Day's Work (or play)

People often ask me if I work.  Well, how do you define work?  If you are asking if I hold down a 9-5 in an office or setting outside my home, then the answer would be no.  If, however, you are asking if I work in some capacity at least 18 hours each day, my answer is yes, I work.  When people find out I am a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM), the next comment is usually something slightly envious yet snarky like: Wow!  You must have a lot of free time!  In response to that comment, I must issue a resounding no!  Freetime is not in my agenda, unless I create it (more on that later). 

My days are filled with managing a household of 2 adults and 2 children.  My husband is off to work by 6am each morning, while the kids and I start our day sometimes closer to 10:30.  We are trying to implement a better bedtime schedule and routine to help with that!  Although we don't officially get out of bed and get moving until midmorning, my day began much earlier - 5:15am to be precise.

You see, most mornings it is my responsibility to make sure my husband actually gets out of bed when the alarm goes off.  Not only does he have a clock-radio alarm set for 5:15, but I also have two watch alarms and the coffee maker set for that time as well.  We have a combined 4 alarms within an approximate 5 minute span, and I still have to nudge him out of bed.  Once I am reasonably sure he is awake enough not to sit (or lay) down and fall asleep again, I doze.  He wakes us all up with kisses and "I love you" before leaving around 6am.  Again, I doze until he calls to let me know he safely made it to work - it has been fewer than 45 minutes.  Some of you may question why I would want a perfectly capable adult to disturb my sleep and let me know they safely made port.  You wouldn't if you could see the road he drives or knew of the many lives it has claimed.  At this point, I typically have an hour of good sleep left.

On a typical morning near 8am, my son begins his ritual of tossing, turning, kicking, and screaming.  Both my kids (3 1/2, 1 1/2) are co-sleepers, mind you, in a queen-sized bed, with 2 adults.  It isn't easy!  My daughter typically sleeps soundly, like her daddy.  My son, on the other hand, inherited my light sleeping.  He is also a screamer.  We have dealt with night terrors as a result of a schedule disruption, so when I say scream, imagine something from a horror movie.  Go ahead, it's ok, sometimes I feel like I'm in one when he starts screaming.  It usually takes him an hour of wallowing to be fully awake and to wake me enough to actually feel like moving.  Remember, I've only been sleeping good for an hour.  By this time, he has begun to disturb his sister too.

It isn't for lack of trying that our kids still sleep with us.  Our daughter was what the pediatrician called a happy barfer.  This basically meant that she threw up constantly as an infant despite being quite healthy.  For this reason, we allowed her to co-sleep from the first night home.  I must also mention she was Houdini and could escape the best swaddling blanket or wrap.  She also had the startling reflex from you know where!  It woke her up every time, and there was no way to soothe her without cuddling her close.  By the time she was 2 weeks old, I was so exhausted from first-time motherhood, breastfeeding, and her sleeping issues that I gave up trying to get her to sleep independently.  The dog was promptly kicked out of the bedroom (and later out of the house), and our daughter has been a permanent fixture in his stead.  She sleeps like a log, so most of the time it is not an issue, except now she has her own bedroom fit for a princess.  Now that we have two kids in the bed - though my son always starts the night in his own - sound sleep is a rare thing.

Once my son has woken both my daughter and me, we drag ourselves out of bed for the typical morning rituals - bathroom, coffee (for me), and breakfast.  After breakfast, our routine differs slightly from your average morning.  My daughter has a learning center in our dining room.  This center has a pocket calendar, American flag, weather frog, ABC cards, and laminated map of the USA.  We sing the months of the year, days of the week, count up to the day of the month, say the whole date, sing a song about the flag, say the Pledge of Allegiance, then we dress the frog.  The first time we did this, my daughter was shocked.  I told her we were going outside (we were still in PJs and barefoot).  She told me we couldn't go outside without shoes.  I proved otherwise!  So, each morning we stand on our porch barefoot and assess the weather - is the sun shining or are there clouds?  is it hot/cold/cool/warm?  is the wind blowing?  is it raining/snowing?  We then run back inside (it is January after all) and dress the frog accordingly and put weather terms on a placard.  After that we sing the ABCs very slowly focusing on correct enunciation of the letter names.  The final part of our after-breakfast routine is pointing out our state on the map.

Now that we have this process complete, we head to the kitchen and wash the few breakfast dishes.  Since this only takes 5 minutes, I don't feel too bad about keeping my son in his high chair.  My daughter is usually 2 rooms away in the living room reading to herself from her favorite books.  Once I am done with the dishes I take my son to the living room and we all read, dance, sing, and play until nap time.  Nap time is one of those things my kids seem to think is optional, and most days they choose to forgo the whole thing.  I do not like those days!  After nap time it isn't long til "dahyee" is calling to say he is heading home and to see if we need anything while he is out.  It is now 3:30pm.

I do have a part-time job.  I work for an online tutoring company helping students from kindergarten to college with both English and Math.  While this job allows me the opportunity to earn a meager income to help with the extras while being a SAHM as well as keep my teaching skills sharp (yes, I have 2 college degrees to that effect), it is not as easy as it seems.  If I had not completed most of my graduate work online, because that is the only way a LIB SCI degree is offered, I would not have attempted such an undertaking.  It is very difficult to have a computer between you and not be able to use body language to help convey an idea.  Many times the students leave bad comments, and that can make my whole day seem horrible.  I would like to be able to work more, but that seems an impossible undertaking until my kids are a year or two older and will sleep more soundly (and hopefully in their own rooms).  I currently only manage 2-3 hours four nights a week. 

Once my hours for the night are complete, it is time for dinner.  If I haven't had the chance to put something in the crock pot to cook away all day, we put forth a family effort to get dinner on the table in a reasonable amount of time.  My son has suddenly decided he is going to be a pickier eater, whereas a few months ago he would eat quite literally any food item you put in front of him...including meat baby food!  My daughter has always been a pickier eater because of a strong gag reflex and aversion to certain textures.  After dinner we head home - I forgot to mention we eat with my parents and brother most every night because we all cook together.  We are trying to do much better in this arena and get home at a decent hour.  This week is a trial run.  Previously we dragged home around 10pm and still had to get the kids settled down and in bed.  This meant the kids weren't going to sleep until close to midnight some nights, nevermind what time I finally got to come to bed.

If you haven't noticed, housework is conspicuously absent from my description of the daily goings-on at my house.  That is because most days I prefer to wait until everyone else is otherwise occupied (typically sleeping) before I attempt to get anything more than dishes or a load of laundry done.  It is after the kids and husband are asleep that I finally have some time by myself, to clean, or to take a shower.  This is the time when I prepare coffee for the next day, read my Bible (using E-Word Today's Chronological reading plan for KJV), read a novel for my book/movie club Read 'em and WEEP (We Enjoy Every Page), or crochet (see my other blog http://www.anadventurouslifeathome.blogspot.com/).  This means that if I get carried away, I might not make it to bed until 3am...and it all starts over at 5:15.

We are trying to get everything on a schedule that ends much earlier, and so far it is working!  We have been making a point to be home from wherever we are by 8pm, which means the kids are usually asleep by 9:30.  Of course, I tell a story, read a story, and then sing several songs, but this allows the husband and I to have a little time to sit and talk to each other before he goes to bed, and I can get in bed much earlier than 3am.  When I say I tell a story, I tell my daughter a story about her:  "Once upon a time there was a little girl named (full name) who lived with her mommy (name), her daddy (name), and her little brother (name) in a gray house at (full address including zip code).  Her telephone number was (10 digit number), and she was born on (month, day, year).  One of (girl's) favorite stories of all time was..." and then I tell her an abbreviated version of one of her favorite stories.  This helped her to learn her address and phone number in about a week!  Most nights we also read a story from a fairy tale treasury.  Then I have to sing her "summer songs" or "Rudolph songs."  Her summer songs are: Hush Little Baby, Rock A Bye Baby, Brahm's Lullaby, and the Riddle.  Her Rudolph songs are Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Holly Jolly Christmas, First Noel, It Came Upon a Midnight Clear, Silent Night, The Christmas Song, and I'll Be Home for Christmas.  Sometimes we add in Jesus Loves Me, Oh How I Love Jesus, and Jesus Loves the Little Children.  On particulary rough nights I also look up the lyrics to and sing Scarborough Fair (thank you Wikipedia and smart phones, you are lifesavers).

So that, in a rather large nutshell, is what I do all in a day's work.